Rocky start? Try active listening if you're struggling to communicate

Assist your student in defining and clarifying the problem. Ask open-ended questions like, “What do you think the main problem is right now?”. Summarize their response so they understand you are taking their perspective into account. Redefine the problem by stating everyone's position and where the differences in opinions lie.

Ask your student to provide some input rather than defining the solution. For example, ask “Has this happened before in your own family? How did you go about solving things?”. Explore consequences of each alternative, like, “How do you think both you and I would react or feel if we put this solution into place?”.

Summarize the situation by re-stating the problem and clarifying what the next steps are. For example, “I am glad we decided to discuss what we need to change so you can get your homework done and still have time to hang out with your friends.”

Affirm your student's willingness and ability to address concerns and reinforce their positive attributes. For example, "I appreciate that you are open-minded and flexible in thinking of possible solutions. You have brought up some good solutions and concerns that were important for us to talk about.”

Discuss the importance of both sides committing to the solutions agreed upon. A good example would be, “Let’s review and summarize what we decided we’d both do in order to move forward positively and set a check-in time to discuss this again.”